ComicBook Showdown

In the interest of full disclosure, I need to let you know that I love comics starring Guy Gardner. He's one of my favorite lanterns, and I have no idea why. He's the kind of guy I go out of my way to avoid in real life. You know the type—he's the testosterone-fueled party animal you don't want to invite to your get-together because he's going to drink too much, start a fight, puke in your plants, hit on all the women and call them lesbians if they don't respond to his advances, and mouth off to the police after they come to shut things down because he's been using a bull-horn with the karaoke machine, and the neighbors have had enough. What's to like? Guy's rude, bellicose nature makes him a whole lot of fun when he's on Oa and not in my living room intimidating my guests. And it's just what's needed in the situation the Guardians are facing in this issue. A creature who was imprisoned in a Precinct House in Sector 3595 was free when Mogo exploded and a chunk of him destroyed the Beast's prison. Green Lantern energy is like crack for this monster, and he'll do anything to get his hands on some. Toward that end, the creature attacks Lantern precincts throughout the universe, leaving no survivors. It's making its way toward Oa, and someone needs to lead a search and destroy mission to take care of the problem. Who's better qualified than our favorite loud-mouthed lout Guy Gardner. But he can't do it alone. No, he needs other violent, reckless blockheads to assist him. So he puts together a team of lanterns who have trouble following orders, use extreme force, and have mad sharp-shooting skills. I have to admit that one of the things I like best about the Green Lantern Corps is the imaginative assortment of aliens. These aliens are fun in the grand tradition. I couldn't help liking Theo, who is a giant linebacker of a guy with tusks, a flowing mane of hair, a walrus mustache, a beatnik goatee, and a bad attitude. Then there's Squillic, who looks like a dimetrodon in a domino mask. I fell in love with that beaky face and that giant red fin on his back. Kruul is a giant pink squid who has bird-like feet with suction cup toes. He has several sets of eyes and his hair looks like a sideways teal Mohawk. And finally there's Artois, a blue-skinned, yellow haired alien who's one of the best sharpshooters in the corps. The artistic team deserves kudos for creating these cool-looking aliens; I can't stop looking at them. But back to the story: the overconfident little band set out on their merry way to catch a perfect killing machine. It's a screw-up waiting to happen, and we're not disappointed. Guy's just begun a self-aggrandizing speech when an ocean-liner-sized spider with myriad fly-like eyes and a mouthful of huge pointed teeth and green feeler-like tongues eats one of the merry meatheads. For some reason their rings failed to alert our intrepid band of ne'er-do-wells to Creepy Spider-Fly Monster's presence, and worse yet, the monster has the ability to teleport, making him impossible to catch or even hit. After the monster eats all of Guy's army except Theo, Guy implements the only strategy he has left—he lets the monster eat them. In the belly of the beast, Guy finds approximately 50 lanterns hanging onto life by a thread. The monster's keeping them alive to feed on the energy from their rings, and they can't be saved. But they can go out in a blaze of glory. Guy feeds into their ring power and incinerates the creature, then he and Theo get out of Dodge. Although it isn't a huge contribution to continuity, this book was a lot of fun. It's the kind of standalone adventure that I like best, and gets points on bombast alone. Guy is his usual belligerent self, calling the Guardians little blue chuckleheads and taunting the Beast, telling it if it's still hungry to come and get him. I don't know about you fan boys and girls, but if I was faced with a stadium-sized spider, the last thing I'd be doing is challenging it. But that's one thing I love about Guy Gardner—his fearlessness. The repartee between him and his team of assorted bad-asses is right up there with the banter in buddy-cop movies; I laughed out loud a few times. And I have to give props to Dan Panosian for the cover. Remember that scene in the Exorcist where Regan's head spins around and she pukes green? Panosian's moody cover brings it to mind, showing a skull vomiting green lantern rings. Yum yum!! All in all, an enjoyable issue, and one you shouldn't miss.

Review: Green Lantern Emerald Warriors 12 (DC), written by Peter Tomasi, pencils by Chris Batista, inks by John Dell